Bad Example

In case anyone chooses to follow this blog in the hope of gleaning useful advice, it would perhaps be as well for me to point out that I am a pretty bad example to follow insofar as I have neglected perhaps the most important step to take in these cases…

“If you feel a persistent discomfort about your gender and you can’t work it out on your own, psychological therapy or counselling may help. Ask your GP what help is available in your area.”

(http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Pages/Transcomingout.aspx)

…and which I have yet to do. Just to clarify, gender dysphoria is considered to be a medical rather than a mental condition in this day and age, but this does not mean by any stretch of the imagination that it is fun to live with. If I had to describe my daily experience, it is like getting up every day only to find I had been mind-swapped into an alien creature. In other words, disconcerting, debilitating, and likely to result in feelings of mortification. Compliments paid to me as a male-bodied entity fall on deaf ears. My physical form is an instrument I have never known how to play, a vehicle I simply have no knack for driving. I work in a fairly alpha-male workplace, which only rubs salt in the wound. Being regularly addressed as “young man” sets my teeth on edge, and managers thinking nothing of making physical contact with me during conversation makes me feel ill and violated, but I feel powerless to change things.

So, bottom line, I really should have seen my GP long ago. Please do not neglect this if you are in my position. You might be afraid of having your self-diagnosis confirmed, or maybe of having it denied (They will not be qualified to do that themselves, but would have to refer you to a specialist). Ask yourself, though, if you are more afraid of a future in which you never even know for sure who or what you are, and never seek to address these issues, or one in which you will at least know if you are simply mad, or genuinely trapped in the wrong body but of sound mind.

Will I take my own advice? I can but hope. This blog is meant to be a little whip at my back as much as a possible inspiration to others (but if I don’t, please do what I say rather than what I do…).

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