A Very Feminine Flood…

Today we returned from visiting our family in France again, and just to give some idea of the degree of effort my in-laws are putting into coming to terms with their unexpected acquisition of a trans-daughter-in-law, I will give a quick inventory of the presents I have had from them over the last two visits…

1 – Numerous feminine tops

2 – Several chiffony scarves

3 – Eyeshadows and lipstick

4 – Holders for makeup

5 – Two handbags

6 – One clutch

7 – A manual splicer for 8mm film… not especially girly, I grant you, but quite possibly useful for the “Imago” film project.

Having said all that, though, the pace of social transition with my French family has been slow and cautious, my parents-in-law being understandably hesitant to break the full news of Cal and me to the older and more conservative members of the family, which is pretty close-knit. We are still having to go by our old names out there at family gatherings, which is a serious test of patience now, though with very few exceptions those people who have been allowed into the know have been positive and kind about it (which leads me to think I was onto something in my earlier post from France, that by assuming prejudice in others we can needlessly and ironically contribute to perpetuating it). And I am fairly certain my grandmother-in-law has twigged the truth of the matter anyway, as she gave me a pale pink handbag just before we set off this morning.

All told, our one-bedroom attic flat is now deluged in accessories, but the thought in this case counts for everything.

My only hope now is that they will adjust equally well to Cal’s transition, but as he states this will be a grieving process for many of them. At least there has been no condemnation or judgement, which counts for a great deal in a world where it is by no means uncommon for a trans person to find themselves estranged from their family, and left homeless and destitute (as Cal inadvertently reminds me while searching online for someone to donate a binder to, and finding no shortage of needy cases…).

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6 thoughts on “A Very Feminine Flood…

  1. Cal is right, there are fequent comments and questions about transphobic families on tumblr’s transgender mtf/ftm and non-binary blogs. In addition there are frequent requests for money from trans youth and young adults on tumblr. Sometimes it’s for housing, daily needs and sometimes it’s for specifics like binders and other times it’s to defray medical costs. It saddens me that youth have to resort to this and, as I get the sense most are Americans, it also makes me angry that our system is failing these vulnerable youth.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reading this brought back memories of my grandma. No matter how much she downsized her living space she seemed to jam pack her prized possessions neatly and orderly into a closet somewhere. No one ever left without something. I could see her going through her jewelry, scarves, purses, or collectables to find just the right thing for you. I’m certain your pale pink handbag holds much meaning and love even if stored for years admist your belongings.
    I hope you also walked away with emotional “gifts” (not just material ones) –it seems as if you and Cal are both loved greatly and that whatever losses others are experiencing they are realizing the deeper connection to who you both truly are.

    Liked by 1 person

      • It’s been strange in a good way that you have been so strongly on my mind today. I don’t know you but you have touched my life in a way I can’t explain. I think this is why I love blogs, you can feel as if you know someone without really knowing them at all. And yes, I definitely believe the handbag should be carried on occasion and will now have a many meanings.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I would be very happy indeed to think I could have touched your life positively as well. 🙂 Blogging has certainly been a huge help to me. No idea how I would have got through this without it, and the people it has brought closer to me.

        Liked by 1 person

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