Like you haven’t heard that one before…
There are Pride events in Cardiff (AKA Mardi Gras) every year, though my previous attendance at them has been limited to drifting about aimlessly and wistfully, observing other trans people and wondering what might have been if I had only dared to be as honest with myself as they were. This year was certain to be different, even before the leaders of The Gathering (my LGBT church support group) asked me if I would help out on their information stall, as well as give a brief talk in their Faith Tent. All told, a fairly daunting prospect.
(At the information stall. Photo by Andy Wicks)
As things turned out, though, it was the best weekend I have spent in a long time… though since I spend most weekends working in a warehouse, that might not be thought to be saying much. Still, the contrast is all-too palpable, as I realised upon resuming work today. Though I am accepted there, by dint of policy, I do feel awfully like the token freak. That may well be an exaggeration, but the looks I get, ranging from the bemused to the downright disgusted, are real enough to let me know I am as much a fish out of water as ever. I try to make the best of it, be thankful for my uniqueness, and so forth, but it can be a wearisome business.
At Pride this year, for the first time in a long time, I felt completely normal, and I’m almost sorry to confess that it felt damn good. I felt a peace I have rarely experienced, even since my coming out. Sadly, I was born too late for the Summer of Love, but I think I may have discovered my equivalent of Haight-Ashbury, albeit with a lot less mud and LSD, and a lot more glitter and eyeshadow (as things should be). Just a shame they only hold it once a year, but I know where I shall be next August…
As for my talk, although it was almost completely improvised on the spot, inspiration came when it was needed and it seemed to go down pretty well. Is it just my imagination, or is that a wolf-whistle I got when I ascended to the stage? If so, I dread to think what it says about me that part of me hopes it was not ironic…
Persephone's Playpen 
Sounds like a great Pride weekend! I remember the first time I found a place where I fit in… and that feeling of having “found my people” was so amazing. 🙂 It really changed a lot about the way I perceived myself.
It’s been hard for us to get out to local pride events lately because things have been so busy but we might get to go to one later this month. Looking forward to it more than ever now!
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It really came as a great surprise to me. Not that it turned me into an overnight party animal, though it does make me wonder how much of my assumed shyness and introversion in everyday society is just painful awareness of my difference (and how people may react to it). I hope you are able to find an event to attend. Once a year is not very long to feel like a fully enrolled member of the human race, but it’s a feeling everyone should experience occasionally…
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I’m glad you had a great time. That’s what Pride is supposed to be.
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Very true; and the fact that normal life comes as such an anticlimax afterwards just goes to show how well it went. 😉
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