Reblog: Giving birth, being adopted, becoming a “transphobe,” hating reality TV, and generally entertaining revelations against my will

What a year it’s been. If you’d said the syllable “turf” to me last September, I’d have only envisaged large squares of grass. Being married to Cal, himself a non-binary transman, I was vaguely aware of the concept that transgenderism involved a spectrum of identities, not all of whom wanted to fully transition, but I had no idea that this was a matter of controversy. I certainly had no idea it was a controversy even among trans people themselves, but you live and learn…

Being myself a downright uninteresting binary MtF transsexual, I’d be lying if I said part of me didn’t have anxieties about the wider trans activist movement – especially its shoutiest social media exponents – and how well it represents me as a gender-dysphoric person rather than as a “gender revolutionary” (For I would gladly “go stealth”, if that were only a realistic option). I have conversed with some gender-dysphoric and fully transitioned transpeople who have turned their backs on the trans community altogether and openly criticise it as an ideology, and I am sometimes tempted to count myself among their ranks, but my moral instincts still balk at the notion of me daring to cast aspersions on anyone else’s gender-related weirdness… which is not to say I feel the obligation to unquestioningly approve of every action and attitude any particular trans person may express.

I see nothing wrong, at any rate, with the trans community being honest enough to be self-critical, and accepting that while our concerns are just, the situations we find ourselves in tend to be difficult for everyone involved as well as ourselves, and empathy never goes amiss. But I do feel all such criticism should be tempered with compassion, in spite of our disagreements. At the end of the day, all gender / sex-nonconformist people face a similar prejudice, and the more we are unified the better we can resist it. On that note, I will leave the last word on this topic to trans blogger Anna Magdelena (@annamagda4xt ), who probably comes  closer than anyone else to expressing my own troubled feelings on this but in a less waffly way, and with some seriously moving spiritual bits thrown in for good measure…

Voila Viola!

For months now my posts here and at catholictrans have been building up to a new direction. I realize in retrospect that everything I’ve posted recently, original material or otherwise, have been the contractions leading up to massive labor pains. For many insomniac nights I’ve been squinting at my dark ceiling and seeing patterns of motion, webs of ideas, and clashing good n’ evil in such a large vista that my small human mind can’t actually piece it all together and I feel literally insane. But slowly, the different pieces that I feel to be interconnected are presenting themselves to me in an orderly queue.

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2 thoughts on “Reblog: Giving birth, being adopted, becoming a “transphobe,” hating reality TV, and generally entertaining revelations against my will

  1. I will admit as a Secular Humanist I struggle with such overtly religious writing. As someone who suffered what some of us call spiritual abuse, (using religion as a tool of emotional abuse), I find it hard to relate to some perspectives. I do find Solace in the musings of great writers from Henry David Thoreau to Siddhartha Buddha to Maya Angelou. I am a firm believer in Empathy and do believe that touching someone’s heart is as important as reaching their mind. Ultimately it’s our stories that will create bridges over walls of disagreement. If people have hardened their hearts against reason and empathy then the only recourse we have is to let it go.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree very much, and it works both ways. While the whole “Some People Are [Insert Identity Here], Get Over It” trope has its place, trying to help people understand rather than showing cold indifference to their confusion and fears is so much better. Of course, if some people simply do not want to understand, there comes a point where one has no option but to draw the battle-lines, but best to exhaust diplomacy first…

      I have had such a positive experience with religion since coming out I feel I must reflect that, and I’m afraid there will likely be more… but I know what you are saying. Ironically, I think Anna has not found that acceptance so easily, the Catholic Church still having a basically critical policy of transpeople. I hope they will amend that, as I personally think she has the ability to write on the subject as stirringly as a medieval mystic, and they would only benefit from drawing people like her closer into their communities.

      Liked by 1 person

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