Acceleration.

Last week, not expecting to hear anything so early, I received a letter from Charing Cross Hospital with the details of my first outpatient appointment with them on the 20th of February. Annoyingly, that is the day of a dance class, so I stand a fair chance of missing it (and even if I don’t, I will likely be so stiff and knackered after three hours on the National Express that gracefulness will be an even more alien concept than usual).

Excitingly, though, this seems to bear out what I have heard before; that once one is through the Gender Identity Clinic and into the hospital, meeting the surgeons, things start to move a lot more quickly. 2018 could finally be the year I draw a line under this and reach that point that seemed so impossible three years ago … and three years is not an unusually long wait in this field, alas. The hubby, unfortunately, still has another GIC appointment to go later this year, but expects to be referred for surgery at that point, so hopefully he will find it the same … and hopefully our operations won’t synchronise so perfectly that both of us will be convalescing at the same time, as it would be jolly useful for each of us that other was fit and healthy during our recovery period. Still, I’ve known people get through this completely alone, so we consider ourselves very lucky to have each other as support.

It is a bit ironic, in the very year that I have taken up dancing again (and am obsessively enjoying it) that I may end up having to take a huge hiatus from physical activity. Still, I knew that was a risk, and I do fear I have often put things back “until after surgery” without having any clear idea of how long that would mean putting my life on hold. Life is too short to be put on hold, whatever our long-term hopes may be. At worst, I may have to resign myself to losing a few of the classes I paid for, but I’ll still be able to come back to it in good time … not to mention with a happier relationship with the body that will, after all, have to do all of this dancing. Better that it feels as appreciated as possible …

11 thoughts on “Acceleration.

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  1. I would never be pompous enough to say I understand what you are going through, that would be totally wrong. But I too went through a long process to change my body drastically, about 20 years ago. I remember the same feeling of putting things aside thinking “when I am done, I’ll get back to it”… I wish you all the best for your upcoming meetings and appointments! This must be both exciting and very stressfull, I’m glad to know you have great support to go though all of this! xx

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    1. Thank you so much, and I really do appreciate the empathy. 🙂 xxx It is exciting and stressful, never having had a major surgery before, but I have every expectation coming out the other side will be profoundly empowering (and relieving).

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      1. I can’t even imagine… Your story is very inspiring! I’ve only caught some bits and pieces of it yet, because I’ve been quite busy since I met you at Nikki’s party, but I do intend on scrolling in your blog to learn more about you 🙂 xx

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Hope you enjoy it. 🙂 Posts have been intermittent the last couple of years, but I used to chart my “progress” quite regularly … then things stopped happening, I tried to pad it out with politics, and that just got depressing (as it does).

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Eleanor, I’m sorry to have missed this update! Glad to hear a brief update about Cal as well. As you know, you have my full support and excitement too. I can only imagine the anxiety of waiting but I love your attitude. You’ve waited so long. Much longer than 3 years…..
    I am so happy that things are finally moving. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. 🙂 I try not to share too much about Cal – he is quite private – but I doubt he’ll mind people knowing things are going well enough … though I gather people just starting on the journey now are finding it harder than ever …

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I think it’s great you’re dancing, and it’s great you’re both moving closer to your goals. I think being physically fit helps recovery so very much–good timing for you in a way to have begun again. I have fantasies of dancing as well and freely as Adam Ant in his young days–the speed and deftness he had astounded me–but we’ll see what this body has to say about that. It’s been through a lot, as any of them we have been living in here on earth.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mine could have done with taking this hobby up earlier, but I think it is definitely benefiting. Curiously, I saw one of my troupe’s old DVDs and they once did an amazing Adam Ant-inspired routine. The only sad aspect being it’s too late for me to do that idea if I ever get good enough to go solo.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, I’m the least spring of chickens myself these days, so any concepts of being anything like that good are fictitious. I think it’s good inspiration for me though! He’s actually back on tour now, and is older than I am, and looks very good, although perhaps a little manic at times. That’s one of the great things about goth clubs: if they are good, they are darker than eternity, and no one can see if I am a good or bad dancer or if I look old or young or good or bad.

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