Following total atomic annihilation …

… which the initiated may recognise as an allusion to “Fallout 4”, and I’m sure everyone else will agree is at least a good caption for this image.


This was a test shot by photographer Michael Colwill (AKA Vagrant Sun) for a Suicide Girls shoot we did this week in a derelict holiday camp near to Cardiff: technically trespassing, but numerous photographers and videographers have been using the place for as long as I can remember – hardly surprising, when it offers discreet surroundings and such grungy steampunk assets as my boilery friend here. We went for a very post-apocalyptic, savage theme with me as this (faux) leather-clad raider-type, shedding both civilised values and clothing over the course of a sixty-image photoset (For anyone who’s never heard of it, Suicide Girls specialises in hosting alternative / Gothic pin-up sets of models who might struggle to hit the mainstream. As an almost-40 transgender Goth model, I am under few illusions how likely I am to wow the industry types …). It was a challenging but fun shoot, the photographer took very good care of me, and everything went very smoothly other than the moment we were almost walked in on by a GCSE photography student and her mum (As I was saying, not the most securely barricaded forbidden zone at all …).

The photoset has now been accepted by the Suicide Girls admin (huzzah) but unfortunately it will now have four months to wait in their member review queue before it gets posted on the site, and I am not allowed to share any of it in the meantime except for this meagre preview (boo). Not to complain: I feel somewhat more validated as a posy Goth already, and am already planning more shoots. I never expected to feel so motivated to be modelling again. Probably a positive sign that my transition has boosted my self-image, though almost certainly also a sign that my job has become so soul-crushing that I am really clinging to my hobbies for solace … Hopefully we can sort that as well in the coming year.

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