Dreams, Recurring and Hopeless

Lately I've had many recurring dreams about being in a secondary school science class, or being late for it, missing it, and such variations. This began making more sense to me after YouTube's algorithm started sending me various space program and NASA-themed videos, reminding me that for many years in my childhood I was cheerfully... Continue Reading →

The Transphobe Within

"Nowadays we are all likely to meet people who think they are women, have women's names, and feminine clothes and lots of eyeshadow, who seem to us to be some kind of ghastly parody, though it isn't polite to say so. We pretend that all the people passing for female really are. Other delusions may... Continue Reading →

End of Act I

I find myself lacking a proper theme or any real news, indeed, but lest this blog be facing its permanent wind-down at any time I would rather it did not vanish without explanation. Not that this is necessarily the case, but I think it may have a long hiatus, at least. Its purpose was always... Continue Reading →


I first met Cal in April 2012. That was, as I recall, a grim and directionless time for me. I had for several years given up on the hope of transition. At thirty-three I felt that it was too late - which seems bloody absurd now, I barely had a job at the time, I... Continue Reading →

Letting the Side Down

[Previous post redacted, due to having become stupidly redundant...] Originally on this blog, I posted some questions to the deep ecology group Deep Green Resistance, just in case tags and keywords actually work and they felt like dropping by... which, unamazingly, they didn't. I have since followed the rational, nay obvious course and just taken... Continue Reading →

Gloomy Monday

It's Monday morning, the skies are grey, rain is hammering down on our dirty little attic skylight, and now seems as good a time as any to express my inner demons... I have learned a lot about my condition since I set up on Facebook anew as Eleanor and started connecting with transgender groups. One... Continue Reading →

In the Tunnel, Needing Hugs…

Ok... Yesterday's optimism and philosophical attitude seems to have packed up and left, and I am currently just doing my best not to catch my reflection, as the sight of it disgusts me. There will always be days like this with gender dysphoria, and all political correctness aside, I have no problems with calling it... Continue Reading →

Let’s Be Fair: What a Positive Week

Eleanor looks in the mirror every day and is pretty displeased. She despairs of ever passing convincingly as her innate gender, and sometimes her best projection for the future is retiring as quickly as possible to an isolated setting where at least she will be spared both the agony of rejection for who she is... Continue Reading →

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