About Me

Author, programmer, and transgender activist from Cardiff, Wales, married to a (gorgeous) transgender man from France, both stressing out over the myriad obstacles of transition and Brexit … This is a bit of a zombie blog, at present. It was started on the advice of a friend as a transition diary, but there are so many out there already and news is so slow, I rarely find reason to update these days. Still, it gets occasional new posts, but WordPress is no longer my usual haunt.


SITE POLICY

All comments are subject to moderation. Polite comments and constructive feedback are always most welcome. However, I wish to keep this place informative and preferably encouraging, so flaming (either of guests or of the webmaster) will not be hosted per se… which I hope will save you time and effort if you were contemplating posting any.

22 thoughts on “About Me

    • Thank you. 🙂 I am aiming to keep up a daily update, at any rate. Past experience tells me that this condition does not simply vanish, however convenient that would often be… I hope if I can keep this blog going for at least a year it might lead to some valuable insights.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for sharing your journey. Your “About Me” introduction was so genuine it made me want to follow your blog. It appears from your intro that you have traveled a long and winding road to your true self and found a loving partner along the way as well. Good for you!!

      Liked by 2 people

      • It was a long road indeed, and my partner was the key to its resolution: I had never, till meeting him, seriously questioned the assumption that being transgender was something one should be automatically ashamed of. Thankfully, it is harder to hold such an assumption when confronted with the same “disease” in the person of one’s best beloved.

        Thank you for following me. 🙂 I was very inspired, BTW, to read your statement on the Dawn of Kali blog. It is all too rare to read conciliatory voices in the world of online activism. My partner thinks I am utterly insane even to visit trans-critical blogs, but since I mean to follow this process through to its irreversible end, I feel I owe myself the full grim knowledge of what I might be letting myself in for, socially and politically.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Although it may be difficult, I think it’s important to visit and comment on trans-critical blogs. I think its unfair that trans people are left out there to deal with this hate speech alone. I feel it is my duty as an ally to speak out the same as I do on other social justice issues.

        Liked by 3 people

      • I am very heartened by your support. 🙂 One hates instinctively to see bickering among the various disempowered classes while the powers that be are still laughing all the way to the bank…

        However, I can empathise with the positions held by many of the TC radical feminists – especially those who have been raped and victimised. Not that trans people do not suffer equivalent violence and prejudice, of course, but suffice it to say I can understand why some women who are not trans would find it very hard to share a support group or shelter with transwomen.

        Having said that, there were understandable fears of Islam in this country after the 7/7 bombings, and that did not make it any more justified when people started abusing any Muslims in the street, firebombing mosques, or accusing the Muslim community as a whole of being complicit in terrorism (which has of course only ever been the purview of a tiny, criminal minority such as exists in any large demographic). Whatever one’s trauma or suffering, there is never a right occasion for tarring everyone with the same brush.

        I do agree, though, that the trans-critical blogs are necessary research for me, and by commenting there I hopefully might help steer trans discourse in more productive directions: I am not going to pretend there are not equally hostile trends in trans activism out there. It does get disheartening on occasion though, to read so many sneering comments and patronising deconstructions of my personality, so comments and blogs such as yours come as a breath of fresh air after a plunge in the swamp. 🙂

        Liked by 3 people

  1. Since I first remember it rearing its head around primary school years, I would concur with that… Thank you for your encouragement. 🙂 I feel it is helping me to finally express all this, and having a positive response is a great stimulation not to give up.

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    • OF COURSE! How did I not think of this analogy, silly, silly me.

      “Some trans women and some men pretending to be trans women have committed crimes against natal women, so let us exclude all trans women from women’s spaces”

      “Some Muslims have committed horrendous murder, so let us exclude them from our shores” hello there Donald Trump! (Or BNP).

      Liked by 1 person

    • That could indeed be the case. Indeed, if it had happened earlier I might never have met the “lady” who is now my husband (such a tangled web we weave…), which has been the most wonderful relationship of my life. In any case, there is no point in having regrets. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us, as Gandalf very wisely put it…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I only “know” of you from your kind and empathetic replies on la quemada’s blog. I know who you are on the inside is real and true and good. Now, I’ve been reading through your posts and you are beautiful, inside and out. 💜 thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have been working on a piece that critiques trans exclusive “radical feminism” from the perspective of a heterosexual, gender conforming, second wave radical feminist. For the sake of transparency, I have to say, “heterosexual,” is a bit of a stretch since I’ve chosen celibacy for the last 20 years, but I believe that is my primary sexual orientation. I have read blogs, articles, position papers etc. on the “TERF Wars” as I’ve come to think of this rather ugly period of time in my mind, written by the organized trans community, individual trans women, organized and individual feminists and trans exclusive feminist organizations and individuals. I write and rewrite, my anxiety being less about a virulent response from TERFs but more about writing from the position of an ally without overstepping boundaries that could be easily misinterpreted: there is a fine line between being an ally and speaking “for” trans women – so now I’m mired in articles about “How to be a good ally.” It seems this blog will never be written. At least in a way that accurately reflects my intention as I have become so mired in the PC-ness of trying to write a political analysis and a call for action to gender conforming feminists to confront trans phobia among our ranks. I think there are a lot of feminists who share my feelings and views. My goal is to engage them in an organized response to exclusionary feminism. I appreciate your blog and the opportunity to engage with you through it as I sort through my thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I would be really fascinated to read your thoughts on that subject, and I don’t think I’d be at all worried about you overstepping boundaries. Whilst there is certainly a place for the whole “how to be a good ally” stuff, I do fear sometimes we might just be causing people to feel as if they are treading on eggshells around us, when in fact I can usually brush off anything that is not 100% grade A tactlessness.

      I do feel transgenderism / transsexualism is still a poorly-understood thing even by those who experience it, yet most of us are just grateful to have empathy and goodwill, especially from the feminist community. Whilst I understand (to a degree) the anxieties of some feminists and the disappointments of others who feel transwomen would have been more progressive as gender-non-conforming male allies, under prevailing circumstances gender nonconformity is so verboten in typical cis-male culture, we would have been outsiders or victims of that culture even had we not explicitly identified as trans.

      Just in case I didn’t share this before, I did read an excellent article by Caroline Criado-Perez who went out on a limb and suggested the experience of trans women would actually be helpful to the radical feminist cause, drawing some fire from her own peers. She did later come under some trans activist flak for objecting to the term “cis”, though I wouldn’t be inclined to be precious about that (I was bemused myself when I first heard it – something so close to “sissy” just didn’t seem the right term for a full-blown alpha male).

      Well, at the end of the day there are extremists in both camps who like to see things in black and white terms. Personally, I do feel if transpeople are not living proof of the existence of grey areas, I’d like to know what is… but I feel very lucky to have the support of people like you who can be passionately dedicated to a cause yet still keep an open mind. 🙂

      https://weekwoman.wordpress.com/2015/01/28/becoming-a-woman-trans-male-violence/

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  4. I know that I have commented on your “About” before but I want to add how your writing keeps getting better. Your sweet kindness comes out in each of your posts but your talented writing truly becomes more evident with each post. You are one of those authors who I simply must read. I may not comment (due to a health issue that I am overcoming) but I very much love to read your work. Please keep writing. You encourage so many of us, especially those like me who aren’t very brave.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are always welcome here, and I love hearing from you. 🙂 You have encouraged me so much since the beginning of my transition, and I think you are are very brave and very honest. I really do hope this year sees things fall into place for you. xxxxx

      Liked by 1 person

      • You are soo sweet, i would love to have a best friend like you. i just had prostate surgery (It was full of cancer) . i wonder how not having my prostate will effect hrt.

        Liked by 1 person

      • You are a truly lovely friend to have. 🙂 xxx I’m afraid I can’t find any clear information on whether or not the prostate itself affects hormone levels (and I did try), but I doubt that it does, as it is not typically removed during SRS surgery.

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