Burning Bridges and Glitching Vampires

My silence has been repeatedly noted, so I thought it time to type a quick assurance that contrary to the evidence Cal and I are still alive and well, and continuing as planned with our transitions. There have, alas, been no positive developments, though, and this week I find myself a somewhat lonelier trans lady…

Some may already be aware of what transpired mainly on Twitter this week, but if not then I’m afraid I must be vague. Suffice it to say that a very dear friend of mine has, unfortunately, felt the need to cut ties with most of her circle, including me. How I managed to upset her I have no idea and may never know, but since she was rather a controversial figure in her way, I have already shed a few friends and followers for having been so close to her.

I am hurt, but should I be offended? I was not the only friend thus soft-blocked, and her critics are now gleefully assassinating her character and chiding all those who trusted her. To be honest, though, I find myself just sad and sick of the whole thing. While I worry that she did not do herself complete justice (though from what I can gather very few do on Twitter), the fact was I admired her immensely, and still do; saw so much of myself in her, not to mention traits I only wished that I possessed; and I was so touched by her kindness and encouragement towards me that to see her encouraging the social media community to think and spread the worst opinions of her is mortifying.

But perhaps that is the very point of it, and by burning all her virtual bridges she hopes to move forward in real life, away from a medium that seemingly brings out so much anger in her. I hope so, and I hope I may one day hear more of her, and that it will all be good news. In the meantime, I may follow her example again, and go back to keeping only a very discreet profile on social media. My attempt to draw inspiration from her radical feminist politics has only backfired ironically, and reminded me of how divisive trans voices unfortunately still are within these circles.

At any rate, my friend has declared herself apolitical and the last I heard of her, she has devoted herself to writing. That seems a pretty healthy resolution, from what I know. I don’t know that I will ever make a difference to the world that way, but through fiction I find I can express myself a lot more deeply (and hopefully entertainingly) than in real life. Not to mention, of course, the welcome distraction it provides from the interminable wait the NHS still refuse to provide any relief over.

In more trivial news, I have just finished a Commodore 64 game which will hopefully be entered into a competition next month. I am a little proud, as it does include my first tentative efforts at programming in 6502 Assembly (a cross between hex code and utter gibberish), and will, God willing, not just crash everyone’s emulators. Unsurprisingly, it’s about vampires. In love. Fighting Nazis. They don’t glitter, though. Just glitch a little.

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17 thoughts on “Burning Bridges and Glitching Vampires

  1. It ‘s never easy to lose a friend. I have a knack for being able to separate the end of a relationship from the relationship itself. Meaning in time I remember only the good stuff and that has always helped me move on and not carry the hurt or even, possibly anger. I don’t know why that works for me but it does.
    Your friend may resurface after some time away from it all. I hope she does if that’s what you would like. 🙂

    Good for you on the game! When i read ‘They don’t glitter, though. Just glitch a little.’ I thought…Don’t we all! 😉

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  2. Happy to see a post from you – but sorry about the friend and Twitter craziness.

    Vampires in love, fighting Nazis, that sounds great. I presume you are a fan then of Octavia Butler’s Fledgling? Did we talk about this before? I kind of feel we did…

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    • We did, but I’m afraid I have yet to get around to it. Been caught up in less recreational reading of late, with my Springboard programme for work. Still haven’t finished my own novel, either. Can’t wait to stop being flu-ish, then hopefully I will find the energy to make some real progress. Ironically, it hit me just at the start of my days off work, forcing me to spend them mostly in bed. This tends to happen. I usually get well just in time to go back to work, infuriatingly.

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  3. Twitter huh? No thanks. To much like going through life with a “pager” on your waistband. Been there, done that. People change. I like saying that. Because it’s true! 🙂 Also, I seem to be experiencing something changing in my own life. Shift happens! 🙂 What I get from this entry is that the swiftness and extent of the change leaves you concerned about that person. I think you’ve quantified your feelings and expressed them very well. Commodore emulation games? OH WOW! I loved my Commodore! I sold it and bought an Apple IIGS. Don’t bother. I just had my wife kick me in the ass AGAIN for doing that. She said “no problem” She’s still pissed I sold it. And that was over 30 YEARS AGO! Best of luck with the submission.

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    • Thank you. 🙂 I miss my C64 as well. Emulation is actually a lot more convenient, but not quite the same…

      You’re right about Twitter, of course. It can really take over your life if you let it. Still missing her, though.

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  4. Great to see a post from you! So sorry about your friend, that does sound sad. Glad you and Cal are well. 🙂 Maybe Cal can do a guest post sometime? I would love to hear more about him.

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    • Aw, bless you. 🙂 It’s always nice to hear from you, and I hope things have been going well. Hasn’t been too bad here. Just keeping busy, but real life news hasn’t furnished anything like the strife online. I was at a feminist gig last night (Birkenstomp) and had no problems at all, although I still felt very out of place having come straight from work, and looking both middle class and middle in the company of young, liberated-looking queer activists. Though I seem to recall feeling old and uptight at gigs was a problem for me way before I was ever out as trans…

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      • Good to hear you’re ok. I’m doing much better. As I posted Sunday, I did my first public speaking gig as an out Trans/Agender person advocating for non-binary youth. I’m feeling less self conscious, at least when I’m not alone with strangers. I’ll be waiting for a post from you when you feel the need to post. I suppose that it’s a good thing that your life is not that eventful. That’s certainly better than trauma! Stay well my friend.

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